You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
