So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
