The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
