i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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