Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
