so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
