We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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