Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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