started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
