i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
