Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
