I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
