i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
