Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
