i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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