he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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