Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
