So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
