I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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