Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
