It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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