If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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