Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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