I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
