I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
