I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There's a naked man in my car right now.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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