I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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