You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
