So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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