I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
