I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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