My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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