I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
