yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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