I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
