hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
