We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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