I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
