How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
