Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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