i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
