Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
