i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
