And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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