We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
