How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
