The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
