your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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