There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
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