either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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