there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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