what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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