That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
