i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
