you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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