I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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