Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
