hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
