I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
