We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
