I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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