I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
