I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
