i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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