Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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