I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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