hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
