My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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