my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
