Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
