I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
