Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
