I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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