i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
