Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize