somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
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the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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