Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize