I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
