i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
