i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
