So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
