Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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