is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
